Whilst reflecting on the Margins of Consumption seminar day, in a supervisory meeting, Sue, Mike and I came to discuss aspects of Sue’s research on Love (and its effects on consumption habits). Mike and I identified parts of our own research that related to this, particularly in relation to the aspect of compromising our habits and preferences when we are ‘in love’ for the sake of our partner (or vice versa).
This got us thinking. We all have a sense of understanding about the romantic notion of love; love as an expression of something and of course the media view of falling in love, but what about (an understanding of) the practices of love – on a daily basis? The real reality of practices that we don’t necessarily reflect on and how different are these practices to the romanticised, idealised view of love and relationships?
The main practice that we identified is compromise; accommodating our behaviours and habits in a new relationship.
Mike highlighted how his study of videogame practices/play shows evidence of compromise in relation to how and when people (particularly men) change their game playing habits when they get married or move in with their partner in order to ‘fit in’ with their new lifestyle and ultimately make the relationship work. For example moving from the games console as a central feature of the living room, to playing on a handheld console so a partner can watch TV in the same room.
I’ve also noted moments of compromise in my data collection related to imaginative consumption. In making wedding plans a bride-to-be forfeited parts of the service and reception that she would have liked in order to make the groom (a shy public speaker) feel more comfortable and to prevent him resenting any part of the wedding. In another situation, a woman had decorated her lounge in a specific colour scheme because her husband came home with a 50inch, black, flat screen TV (that she hates). Her compromise was that by accepting the TV, she got to choose everything else for the room.
So, beyond the myth of romantic love, we can identify some of the practices of love – the ways in which people perform love in everyday life, showing their partner that they care, putting their partner’s needs and wants before their own. Switching from our favourite brand of coffee, reducing the amount of gameplay, or playing on a handheld console so that a partner can watch TV in the same room, forgoing our one chance to say the full wedding vows because the groom is shy and accepting ‘boys toys’ as a feature of the family home. All of these examples (of which these are just a few) are evidence of changes in behavioural and consumption habits, that may create a new way of being – all in the name of love.
And so to work on an ECCG collaborative paper, drawing from our various research projects to focus on different ways of compromising in relationships – compromise as a practice of love…
Anyone other examples of how we practice love?
3 Comments
June 29, 2009 at 10:09 am
It’s the little things isn’t it? As you say, not the full-blown shouting on rooftops (jumping on sofas) myth of romantic love but resolving the tensions inevitable as two people seek to build a life, and create an identity (and express it) as two individuals, together. I wonder though how much of these compromise practices are less about putting the other’s needs ahead of one’s own, and more about anything for an easy life! Or does that reveal something a bit sad about my own relationship…?
June 30, 2009 at 2:21 pm
So perhaps a cynic would term it the practice of ‘conflict avoidance/management’. Or perhaps there are different motivations at different stages of the relationship?
December 7, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Another practice of love is purchasing gifts, beyond birthdays and Christmas and therefore someone in love vs someone single will be purchasing gifts more frequently and often outside of their usual category of products.
For example a single guy may purchase CDs and Video Games and when in love may then begin purchasing products from Lush and other more female focused products. The reverse may be true of girls.
Either way they are now potentially spending less of their disposable income on themselves.